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Queerness gives me the reigns of my own identity — rather than being defined for me by politics or other peoples perceptions. Like a lot of folks in my generation maybe , I feel a freedom in my queerdom, not unlike a talisman or amulet of sorts. I liked it immediately because it seemed to suit me. It allowed for how I could dream of myself as a mother, express myself with a softness and emotional intelligence, and also be comfortable in my body. But in those limited terms, I have always connected with both, and feel incredibly blessed to be queer so that I can dance between them without any self-doubt.

Or is it out of fear? Charge into the fear, as my roommate puts it. Queer as I am now, I first came out as gay, though not quite in the traditional if coming out can be seen as traditional? Having to answer questions of faith and heaven and hell neither of which I believe in early on, was far from fun and nothing I would have chosen for myself. But I make a point of being open about my life — which includes my relationships and even sexual experiences — at all times.

Which is surprising to me, given that I spent the last decade in San Francisco.

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